Joshua W. Varner

Schooling

josva — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:44:02 +0000

Hey blog.

When I was planning this semester it seemed like a great idea to only be going to school two days a week. It seemed like an even greater idea to take 4 courses all within this period. However, the actual day to day of it is pretty ridiculous. They are long days. Getting to school when it’s dark out, and going home when it is dark out is pretty crazy. It’s even crazier spending all this time at school. 13 hours is a long time. I’m hungry. Live and learn I guess.

That is all.

Vapid and Insignificant.

josva — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 22:41:57 +0000

My biggest fear has always been becoming insignificant; insignificant to people, insignificant to society, insignificant to myself. In my quest to find significance I have become the opposite. It is time to savour this despair. I intend to feel this sadness allow its deathly fingers to grab hold of me and touch me in ways unknown. This feeling will not last long. Like the chill of winter, or the heat of summer, all things have their course. With only one sense of being into the infinite, life is just a series of middle school summers. I need this moment more than any other.

Okay hope everyone has a great holiday season, blog soon. Cheerio!

So, there’s this girl…

josva — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:13:01 +0000

Back in september I started talking to girls again. It was great. Obviously a little rough going as one could expect. At the time I was fairly curious as to why girls legs bent backwards like mine did. Turns out it’s something to do with dance. One of the girls who explained that to me was nice. I tried to further the conversation, but nothing really stood out about the interaction. It took me almost another month to realize she was actually in 2 of my classes. After the first realization I was kind of embarrassed. I couldn’t make eye contact, yet some how I was drawn to it. Think car crash on the side of the road effect. As the weeks progressed we’d make eye contact and smile. I still wasn’t wholly convinced of anything in particular. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, attractive people like to admire each other. Fine. After a series of events, and personal re-evaluations though I could kind of see myself being with a girl like her. However, life takes its course. I’m balking out of making a move because of timing. TIMING fuck. Any excuse I can find I will probably take not to make a move. Regardless it is something I do have to take into consideration, but I don’t think that should limit my interactions. If I truly believe that people should live up to their capacities, and I believe I have the capacity to be an excellent partner then I have to make that move or I am not living up to my own beliefs. I needed to write this all out to think it through.

Lessons In School, and In Life.

josva — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 03:29:18 +0000

There’s something on the line. There is always something on the line. Deadlines, group projects, a reading, something, there’s always something. There’s a gulch in stomach, I know what not doing what I have to do means. It means more than a zero, it’s an echo of everything that has come before.

The single best thing that school has taught me though? I can get through it.

I feel stressed about looming deadlines, but I’ll survive it.

Life in the YYC

josva — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 21:50:06 +0000

Having been removed from Vancouver as long as I have combined with my commitment to not go to vancouver unless I move there has been extremely beneficial. Over the last few months, maybe with the aid of school; I’ve begun to see possibilities in this city and I feel energized regarding my longevity here. This is no longer some strange place where I feel like a stranger. It’s home and it feels alright. There are moments where I feel some restrictions but that occurs no matter where a person is. This restriction also has to do with where I am in my life. I’m not super stoked on EVERYTHING at the moment, but at the same time I’m not miserable.

I used to be filled with so much hatred to so many things. Now I can kind of see the merit in a great deal many things. This is maturity? Yes.

Driving down well trodden roads watching the seasons change flushes my face with memories cast over the last 2.5 years. The memories take on different meanings, many echo a sense of lifelessness. This very lifelessness is of my own doing, and will with certainty be rectified. The greatest joys over the last few years have been simple moments with friends, eating dinners, or drinking coffee. Nothing complex, nothing extravagant; just my life.

This town isn’t so bad. The words flow out with a smile on my face. Here’s to the future!

ciao.

University IS Business

josva — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 22:55:24 +0000

Thinking back on my old notions of University, I always saw it as an extension of school. By school I mean like highschool; prescribed education curriculum mandated by government with all sorts of weird learning out comes required. I also thought of it as there to educate as the primary concern. The more time I’ve spent at university, the more I realize its actually business. University is a business! like any business its priority is to make money. It does so by playing deeply into the fears of society: You can’t get a good job if you do not get a university education!

Thing is if I do look at it like a business, and I see myself as an internship employee everything becomes much more rich.

Firstly image is everything, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Always look sharp you never know what happens. Like any business networking is important. You have no idea who your professor knows, or someone in your class knows. With the right attitude a “student” could make some seriously important things come about in their life by how they approach school. Not only that though, if you look at school as a business, and your role in it as an employee it would be very easy to talk with future employers from that frame.

Yeah I spent the last 4 years in a serious business environment, over that time not only did I learn hard skills but my interpersonal skills were also put to task. I implemented x,y,z over that course of time. My time management skills were dadada. I met these people, worked on these projects. while I was not at this institution i was applying my skills in these fields: blah blah blah

This shit is only irrelevant if you think it’s irrelevant. If you think it’s irrelevant, guess what the outcome will be for you when your done? …Pretty irrelevant. Sieze the power surrounding you! Make shit happen!

My Scholarly Weekend

josva — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:24:05 +0000

Marketing:

~~Economic of PESTO for packaged food industry~~
~~Strengths & Weaknesses of SWOT for packaged good industry~~

English:

~~Library assignment~~
~~Flush out research~~
~~Rough draft of essay~~

Sociology:

~~Powerpoint of superficial concessions of free sexual discourse in woman’s magazines~~
~~Flesh out / first draft of essay~~

Existentialism:

~~First draft of existential tool kit~~
~~rewrite 2 page response for “Literary review of two ages”~~
write 2 page response for “Second Sex”
Flesh out / First draft Existential dilemma.

It’s not a matter of “wanting to do” as in: Oh I want to do this. It’s a matter of “I do” as in: I do these things.

josva — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:23:23 +0000

I came back to calgary nearly three years ago a wounded human being. I was 24. I had found something that made me special, and be damned if I was going to let it go. As the story goes I got an amazing opportunity, but I wasn’t mentally at a point where I could deal with getting what I wanted. Specifically the “broken” element couldn’t be fixed with getting a new job or clothes or anything else. The only thing that could remedy the situation was time and digging deep to try and better understand who I am. While this tune gets old rehashing the past, I need to do it to get over it. It’s a strange concept, going back to go forward but it works!

Time took me on an interesting journey. Now I sit looking at all that has come and gone and I see a bright future ahead of me. This begs the question though do I flog a proverbial dead horse, or do I accept things have changed?

I feel like I didn’t put my best effort into what I wanted and it haunts me. One of the only skills I have ever developed now lays dormant and only comes out at my leisure. Truth be told though this isn’t the first time I have thrown myself into something and then walked away from it. No, this is the first time that I could see a future extending vastly beyond what I had reached previously. I’d done the research, I knew the path, I knew what was possible. It is also the first time where I believed given the right conditions I could reach those heights. I could follow the line and reach great success. I could taste it. Those memories of the past linger in the present. What was possible, is today still possible.

Given the back story and my emotions the question remains: Do I attempt to rehash a past dream or do I move on? Actually I suppose I am still on the same path, it is just slower which is ultimately undesirable.

The answer is that I do not have a clear vision of the future. If I want a satisfying existence I need to know where I want to be clearly and concisely. Once I can with absolute certainty say “This is where I want to be” I need to trace backwards creating a path to where I am currently. Once that has been established I need to move in that direction. Not as a person who wants to do X, but as a person who does X. Without planning I have nothing. If I do not take the time to plan my future, I will have no future. End of Story.

Rebranding, a lesson I learned.

josva — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 02:56:41 +0000

I was reading an article about rebranding. I’m a marketing student, and I am excited about marketing. Rebranding is a strategy to give a product/service/company a new look. There are disadvantages. One I can make this simpler for me to understand is like this:

Take a kid from the ghetto. Give him a $700 dollar hair cut, and a bespoke suit. People are going to look at him differently, take him to the bar he’ll probably get different service. But the second he opens his mouth or goes to DO something it will be fairly easy to know something is off.

Basically if nothing has changed other than the outside, what would changing the outside really accomplish? If people were not crazy about it to begin with, why would they go for it in a fancy package? Rebranding can be a good strategy, but probably not the first thing a company should do when trying to build stronger sales!

Opportunities come out of no where!

josva — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 01:18:41 +0000

I guess being at school predicates a certain level of given opportunity inherent to the environment. People go to school to get an education so that they can get better jobs; this is only one perspective in a sea of many, yet fits adequately for the purpose I need.

After my marketing class I casually was chatting with my teacher. From my comments on the first day where I stated that marketing was a coercive force determined to ruin the planet she had made the assumption I was an art student. Upon learning that I was hoping to become a marketing student, and learning that I enjoy sometimes being a douchebag she was quite excited and laughed a fair bit. My teacher had mentioned that there was a non-profit based marketing group on campus headed by the lead instructor for the marketing program at Mount Royal. She also stated that I would probably be a good fit there, and if I was interested she could set up an introduction.

I am excited about this as it would make a really good addition to my resume as well as give me some hands on time with the material I am interested in learning which I hope to eventually develop as my full time (potential/maybe) profession. This is good news indeed!